There are two ways of giving birth, vaginal birth and cesarean section. In some countries, and Spain if you have money, you can choose a caesarean section as a first option, but the majority of births are, luckily, vaginally. Most, but not all. And it is very hard for many women when they take nine months, imagining a normal delivery and suddenly you see that your baby is not born, but they take it. That does not stop it, but to “stop it is”.
And it is even harder when they want to talk about it and no one gives importance because “I also Paris by caesarean section”, because “many women stop as well and nothing” and because “it is important that your baby is well”. Silence the woman, believing that it is not broken for not being mother as I wanted to, but it is broken to feel bad about something that should not bother you… terrible.
And the silenced voices who feel alone appear suddenly in a massive way when a woman decides to do a poem on the subject, a mantra, so that each woman says it is itself, stirring feelings to the point that thousands of mothers have shared it already, thanking those words, the visibility of a scar that is not only physical , but also emotional, and which you can read below:
Mantra of caesarean section
I Paris by Cesarean section,
and by caesarean section I Paris.And created the sacred gate,
for you and for me.
And I put my head on my belly,and whisper to me:
Thank you beloved scar,by how much I learned.
I Paris by Cesarean section,and by caesarean section I Paris.
And I honor this life portal,where I Morocco.
Like mother, like daughter,as a woman without end.
Thank you beloved scar,be part of me.
Because guards you well,the pain I suffered.
A pain that I transformed todayin wisdom for me.
I Paris by Cesarean section,and by caesarean section I Paris.
Thank you beloved scar,you and me together at the end.
And my birth was decent and good,and my birth taught me,
to lean me towards lifeApart from my heart.
This mantra of caesarean section is the work of Mónica Manso, who shared it on Facebook from your conscious maternity home and has been shared already more six thousand times. And no wonder, because it is one of many emotional wounds that few people understand and that has just been silenced for the same reason.
“It is important that your baby is well”
“And you, MOM, that you give”. Yes, of course the important thing is that the baby is healthy, but that doesn’t mean that there is an unexpected event that requires an adaptation of a psychological work by the mother. Do you know people who have a second chance in life because they receive through a transplant organ of another person? They have been waiting for this intervention for months, but years, and despite that have psychological support because they have to move forward with a body that was not theirs originally. But the most important thing is that they are alive! Of course Yes, but that doesn’t mean the other.
As in a c-section is the same: a woman not going to a hospital to be discussed between life and death, or to the possibility that your baby can die. Of course sometimes it happens, but you’re not going to that. A woman is healthy to the hospital that professionals handle your delivery if there is a problem, but with the enthusiasm and hope that you do not have to do anything special. It goes with the intention of giving birth to your baby in a normal manner, to a healthy baby.
When something goes awry appear fears: “what’s happening? Are you well my baby? I’m scared… I’m so scared. Tell me something. What you? Does everything right? Why do all run? “.” And it is completely logical and lawful to feel that fear because at that time women feel that you lose complete control of your baby and the process. And that scares.
Then do you c-section… the baby is born, everything is going well, and she is grateful that everything finished well, but begins to spin everything that has lived: “what has happened? Why? Why not I could give birth to my baby? Why not has been born as expected? “.”
Clear that it is the happiest day of his life… just be mother and has just seen his baby eyes. What can be better? But as I say, that doesn’t mean that you can suffer by what has been lived and need to explain it, seek support and someone asked “How are you?”, and embrace it.
And that past time are allowed to talk about it. Go to the gynecologist, as it was Miriam, my wife, and by explaining that it cannot be entirely happy with the delivery because it ended in Cesarean section does not say “the important thing is that your baby is well,” but “I understand… is very hard to go to being a mother and feel that you did not do what it should, but that others did… that you were not able to give birth”.
And recognize it is not to sink it, don’t even say “you’ve been fewer women, or less mother”, because it is not so. She already knows that it is not so!. It is only to validate their feelings and let him know that it is not uncommon to have that nailed Thorn, which is normal to cry some nights Recalling his birth and that there are for when you need to speak it.
The gynecologist, mother, mother-in-law, sister, the couple… clear that when you think of the baby gives good his scar, all possible pains and all the vivid suffering. But that does not make that disappear, and allow you to talk about it to help you in such a way that, when another woman to live something, she can tell the same: Yes, that hurts, that hurts, but you eventually learn to accept your SCAR and you realize was blame yours, and that that does not make you less female or less mother.
And this photo?
I probably sound. We share it a few months ago, when it became viral. It is a photograph of Helen Aller a baby and his mother, who preferred to remain anonymous, that days later was censored on Facebook. Censored because not only is censured the pain of giving birth by caesarean section, but also the scar, the image of having given birth as well. Someone denounced the image and the photographer was blocked a few days.
So we are… we think that by turning the face problems disappear, and suffering also, and so is going: all suffering in silence, all in greater or lesser extent, thinking that we are the only ones, when if we talk more and listened to us more, sharing our concerns, we could help each others to turn the page and move forward, less licking us our wounds and to face new challenges with more value and less afraid to make mistakes. Do not you think?